What happens when you're emotionally stable

When I say emotionally stable, I mean sort of. I mean the end of your adolescent rage and the need to feel depressed about every single thing. Rising up from the ruins of your emotional suicide and walking away.
So when I say emotionally stable, I really do mean it in the mildest way possible. I don't mean being Mary Poppins-- that would be something to be depressed about.

Taken circa 2009. From my good friend Kat Armitage

When you are emotionally stable, you are unable to write. That gift of feeling and perception coupled with depression and agony is the perfect formula for heartfelt writing. Take it away, you're left to write about sunshine and rainbows. Eek.

Sh*t gets real. You see things as they are and not through that distorted drunk emotional haze. Suddenly the night doesn't seem so epic. Life talks and emotional melodrama induced by alcohol rarely happen now, as opposed to the abused every night, all nighters you used to pull off.

Songs have less power over you. They cease to be knives that pierce through you with razor sharp feelings. A bad dose of melancholy and a dash of emo. That, or you start listening to the happy stuff. You are now able to cycle through  your playlist without collapsing into a pile of emotional rubble.

You do not have the same passion and amor for people anymore. The guy you just met is not your savior, nor your redemption, he's just another dude. He's cool, he comes, he goes, you meet other people. You learn, you let go. You don't write a blog on how he magically touched your life like no other (for the nth time), and surprisingly, you don't feel the need to.

Some friends drift apart, and that's okay. You realize there is only enough space in your life for so much people. Those who matter will be there.

Idiocy and youth become two very confusingly similar terms. You are annoyed, then again, there will always be older generations who say you're the young idiot, and younger generations to call idiots.

You finally get that tattoo you've always wanted. Or don't ever.


When you're emotionally stable, it feels good. The birds sing, the sun shines, and everything seems nice. But seriously, you don't want to write about that. So, channel your inner depressed soul and listen to Taking Back Sunday and wait for the tears to fall.

When they don't, congratulations! You're turning into a grown up.

Upon realizing I'm hiding behind photographs

It was silent and all I could see were photographs. Of me, of how I see the world. It was silent because it was not me talking but the shapes and colors of the creator mimicked by my lens and shown as my own. Pictures are worth a thousand words but not all of them are mine.


Deafening, this void. Do you see?  How it flows into a direction and ends up where I don't want it to be.

Stupid cat and its curiosity

How it happened I do not know. I slipped and fell into that trap curiosity and that blasted cat jumped into. What to do and how to feel about things irrelevant to the future but stamped in the past?

Crossed the line and pulled myself back. What to do, what to do? How is it to forget what has been forgotten?

Don't want the middle ground to be my saving grace.

New specs

New glasses! Pretty geeky but they're so wide and comfy. :)

Rock Glam

Headed over to a rock glam themed event last night. Finally an occasion that called for my leather boots! Wasn't able to wear the jacket though, summer is coming and we're all starting to feel it.

Aaaaaaaand, if you haven't already, check out Neon Jewelry. The chain bracelet worn here is from the unreleased summer collection.x

Braids and Drops

Channeling that summer boho/indian vibe. 

 A loose dress with a light fabric helps so much on days as hot as this. Got this particular one from Cinderella on sale for really cheap. Peacock feather earring by yours truly and the new drop necklace I got for a hundred bucks! (I love bargains!)

Mimi says Hi!

Lately, I've been swamped with so much work. Let me take this time off to ogle at this impossibly cute photo of Mimi the dog.

She says, "I want a house".

She talks and talks, then pauses to smile. She talks again. She builds and builds her house of dreams. "Ooh, the bigger and better to spite you all with!", she says though she will never admit to this. A deception of self, something built out of fragile words and fake hearts.

Taller and bigger she makes her house. With higher ceilings and bigger spires! More and more, she demands and takes. No regard to those who give, just a fake smile full of fake appreciation. The builders toil into the night, they work for their muse as if lives depended on it, as if her unattained approval is sustenance to their souls. They work, they tire, they go on.

And then they break. The well oiled machine refuses to work. There is no more progress. Her shouts and screams, abrasive and demanding, are heard but unheeded.

There is much work, but broken things cannot do much. They just sit and wait for the construction to eventually collapse onto them, onto the muse. Soon, there is only the wreckage and the frame of what the house could have been. There is only dust and darkness.

She sits and stares at all that was broken.

She doesn't realize. The workers aren't fragile, but anything you push and push and push will all eventually break.

The Great Mr. John Lesaca

It was a great surprise when I came home Saturday afternoon to find John Lesaca setting up in our backyard. He was kind enough to play a little something for us and family members who've visited from the States. It's always beautiful to hear live music, so much better when the one playing is a master violinist. By the end of his performance, not only clapping, but also, screams and cheers could be heard.

 Thanks, Tito John!

Malate Church

Took a short tour around the city with family today. After a quick lunch at a nearby restaurant, we visited the Malate Church. It's amazing the beauty you see when you're actually looking.

Snippets

I just found the coolest app that makes photos into collages. Incidentally, I was also looking for a new wallpaper. When I couldn't find one to my liking, I ended up turning the photos I've collected in my Tumblr account into this. (I do not own the photos)

Chiffon & Layers

Floating layers and colors and all. Such a presko outfit. 

Boarding today for Mellow 94.7's School of Jocks. Tune in everyone! 

NYX Round Lipstick: Paparazzi & Milani in Tangerine

Got myself a bunch of new lipsticks, but I only had time to try two of them on. 

NYX Round Lipstick: Paparazzi (second to the right on first photo)

Most people think that NYX has a consistency that's too soft. Given that it melts easily, that doesn't really help when living in a tropical country. I like it though, prefer it to the heavy lipstick feel. 

Milani in Tangerine (Rightmost on first photo)

This shade is more orange than the photo shows. It also has this grown up perfume smell. Nice cheap drugstore lipstick. Got this from Target.

 Lip balm, NYX Round Lipstick in Paparazzi, and Milani in Tangerine. Excuse the bags,these were taken with only lipstick, powder concealer, and of course, eyebrows.

Okaaay. Admittedly I was playing around hence that last photo. Haha!

Shades & Leather Jackets

The closest we'll ever get to matchy matchy outfits. The closest you'll ever get to a valentines post from me.
All of these from the Hot Air Balloon fest, including the silly, wonderful hats we have on. Hohoho!

On old blogs.

I've been looking for an article I wrote a while back when I stumbled upon my old blogs. I have been blogging since 2005, at a time when I used the internet as a diary. Looking back, I've realized that I learned so many things about myself through my emotionally charged ramblings (as is evident in my previous blogs), and that there has been so much change in me and around me.

I used to be so afraid of losing myself. At a time when everybody was struggling to find who they were, I was trying to cling on to the identity I thought I wanted. I tried to make sense of all these feelings, simmering, boiling over inside of me, that I never had the time to realize that all things hot eventually turn cold. I liked the anger and spite in myself that I mistook for passion. I never listened.

Reading up on all these things, I laugh and I hurt. I remember how broken up I once was. I remember the sadness and discontentment brought about by my loss of identity. I remember how painful it was to learn.

I know all of these, and am familiar with them because in truth, these lessons never stopped. I still hurt and try and bruise and cry-- only, there is a resolute knowledge that something has been gained. I trust the course of nature and decide to learn and live.

Six years ago, I spoke in my freshman college class about my writing. It started with this phrase: "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger". The talk ended on a semi suicidal note prompting a classmate to walk out, crying.

Today, I say that still. Only this time, I believe it. I say it with a smile and know that there are good things to come. I will not be giving up anytime soon.

*

Dog Tags and DIY shirts

Wearing a DIY cut out shirt and a messy bun on a hectic day. Rosary necklace, my own creation and the dog tag from Phil DogTags.

Hot Air Balloon Fiesta 2012 at Clark, Pampanga

Visited the annual Hot Air Balloon Fiesta in Clark yesterday. Interesting day, it was. There were so many cool stuff to see but we got so tired we ended up in a place called Coffee Academy and continued on in our fabulous ways (inside joke).

I literally cried for these photos as I lost them when my iPhoto force closed (ugh, don't ask). After a lot of trying to cheer up, I finally found a way to get them back through a program I downloaded. Things work out. Yay!

Corals are alive!

I could never understand how corals could be alive. I've read and confirmed this fact on every textbook, website, and Discovery channel show, and yet I could never come to believe it. I could not understand how or why, I just couldn't accept it. They looked lifeless enough to me.

And yet I stumble upon a really cool science blog and find these time lapse videos.

These are actual videos of corals climbing out of what could have been a very sandy grave. Amaaaaazing.

I apologize to all the coral feelings I've hurt with my firm (and erroneous) stance on their "mortality", or (assumed) lack of.

I stand corrected and promise to be appalled (even more so than I usually am) at issues of dynamite fishing and the death of our seas (those murderers!).

Corals live! Yes, they do.

Draft at The Fort

Fun night with good food, great beer, and even greater people.

And guess what? I drove! I drove to the fort for the first time, drove home, and am still in one piece! I got lost too, but that's another story (I curse confusing signage!).

We checked out Draft at the Fort, great place! Wait for my WIM on this here: Draft

Still hung up on how crazy big that Hoegaarden mug is.

Jagged Lines

Finally got a chance to wear this mullet skirt I ordered online. Isn't it darling? Wearing one of my chain finger bracelets. Check out more of them here: NEON Jewelry

NEON Jewelry

Finally, I've decided to sell them. Still a work in progress but "like" NEON Jewelry on Facebook for details and updates on the upcoming collection. For all your finger chain bracelet needs and more!

Check it out!