I think I love you, Ryan O'Connell.

I know, I know. It's impossible to love a 25 year old gay dude from New York who you think you know through the internet.

And yet, I feel he knows me. These short articles are love letters to me. Little things I could never admit to myself, the things that tug on my heart. He knows them, he feels them too! Ryan O'Connell, why must you rip out these feelings from under me and flaunt them for all the world to see? I love you, but then again, I hate you. You tell the world my secrets. How could you have known about the trivial problems of my twenty four year old self, and how I hate awkward catch up lunches? And yes, I've gotten that drunk too!

Ryan O'Connell, I feel like I know you. You are my literary muse. I adore you! The Hemingway to a depressed soul. Or whoever they read now, I wouldn't know-- I'm just a confused twenty something trying to grow up when beer doesn't seem like such a good idea anymore.

I'm tired and it seems like no one gets it. I just want to be whatever it is that we turn into when we grow up, Ryan O'Connell. And yet, it never seems to work out. Either I'm too young, or too old, or too drunk (not fun drunk these days, feels like maturity is growing on me !EEEP!). Stuck deciding if it's time to man up or just let go and forget it. This $hit is hard.

I'm tired of growing up! (or at least trying to)

But Ryan O'Connell, I'm sure you understand me.


Ryan O'Connell

DIY: Gradient Nails in Stripes

 I have never been this obsessive with nail polish all my life. As mentioned in my previous polish blog (here), I have been polishing and re polishing my nails. 

I have been looking for a certain shade of red orange polish, but I could never find a cheap version of it. Exasperated, I decided to paint my nails pink and orange instead. Not bad I think, considering this was the result of desperate fury.

A new twist to the gradient trend, these are three very close colors done in clean (well, as clean as I can manage) stripes. I put the darkest pink polish on, and then the lightest orange polish at the tip of the nail. Last step would be painting on the middle stripe.

Still a little messy since I made the mistake of falling asleep after I finished painting them (eek!) but I like it. Thoughts?

Red Orange

Unimaginative. Lazy. Loud. Vulgar. Accidental. Coincidental.

..at a loss for words, on a slow Sunday.

..hide behind orange lipstick, and everyone thinks it's red.

High Kicks and Leather Jackets

Lazy clothes with a leather jacket and combat boots, they end up looking badas$.

Growing up, I was never a girly girl, and more often than not, I'd imagine myself looking cool. A cross between Lara Croft and Sarah Connor, that was the idea.

I look back at the snot nosed mess that was the pubescent and pre pubescent me.. no, I didn't look tough, cool, or badas$. Missed that peg by a mile.

Making up for it allllllll on this blog, with this outfit. Puberty, I beat you! Haha!

Sooooo, the boy says I look more cutesy and not bada$s. Oh well.

Love and other bugs.

When there are no feelings there is nothing. No sound, no light. Just the slow, shallow breathing of the person devoid of emotions. A shadow. For him there is no start, there isn't a build, there is no anticipation to the climax, not even the gentle descent into the solitary blues. Nothing. Silence and cold and the lonely heart's beating.

You don't know what you're missing. The muffled glee of a girlhood crush, or the patient and building love of an elderly couple. Not even the devastation that a failure brings when you think you've ruined your life for the nth time, each time as if you're being ripped to shreds. Nothing. Silence.

Grasping and groping for affection. We all need someone who can and will give it to us. And then we become the warm, fuzzy, cheesy people we all swore we'd never become.

But it feels so nice.

The Wedding Buzz

Love is in the air and a wedding is in order.

Left for the province this weekend for a shoot with my cousin. What an experience! Just a little teaser before I get the actual shots ready. 

Prints and Hand-me-downs

So many cool clothes are coming to me lately, like these cool pants that my mom had hidden in her closet for the longest time. Am currently in love with skirts that are actually pants, they're just so comfy! 

And yes, I've just discovered the beauty of using a tripod and this blue wall at home.

Flaring Up

There was a flared/elephant jeans stage in my life. This was when low waist pants and t-shirt hoodies were everyday wear, showing an inch of tummy skin was acceptable, and Vid Ok! was a channel I actually enjoyed. Gone are the days. 

I retired these pants for so long, but I could never throw them away. Today, I justified all that sentimentality.

Not bad, yeah? I say they're making a comeback.

Because I spent the last 30 minutes crying over a book.

The moment I knew was the moment realized I was scared to lose you. How you walking out that door could be last I'd ever see of you. And though it isn't, thank god it isn't, I find myself holding breath every time I make little calls, this thin invisible thread connecting me to you-- an excuse to talk, to tell myself you're never leaving. Time does not help. As it grows, the more frightened I am of loss. Of fate and change.

I still pray. In between doubts and fear and thoughts. I know you're coming home to me.


"What if I hear your name and it will ring no bell?" (Xsite)


But no. You're here, we're home. We're all safe.

DIY: Tie Dye Nails 2

My obsession with nail polish upped a notch because of this blog. I've been trying and trying all these DIY patterns, and it's been fun-- only I've gotten a little loopy with all the polish fumes. For the past three nights, I've been putting on, and removing polish.

A few months ago, I tried the Tie dye nail thing (check it out here), but I wasn't really satisfied with the results. I thought, what the heck, it's been a week of trial and error anyway, inhaled all the fumes I could inhale.

Proud to say, I've succeeded this time!

Here's a revised tutorial for Tie Dye Nails. You'll need: